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Pakistan
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Ideology & Constitution
When Love Competes: How to Resolve Sibling Rivalry with Understanding and Patience

In April 2008, life handed us a beautiful double surprise—Mansoor and Bazaid.
A year into our marriage, we weren’t just parents… we were twin parents—to two boys with one birthdate, two identities, and infinite emotions growing side by side.
To the outside world, it was adorable: matching pajamas, double strollers, twin smiles.
But within our home?
It was a quiet, invisible tug-of-war—affection rubbing up against comparison, closeness occasionally bruised by competition.
The Mango That Sparked a Storm
I still remember a day when they were around five. I sliced a mango for their snack, trying to be fair. Somehow, Mansoor’s slice ended up slightly bigger than Bazaid’s.
He didn’t throw a tantrum.
He just sat there, staring. Then quietly said, “I don’t want it.”
He wasn’t upset about the fruit. He was trying to say, “Am I getting less than him again?”
Sibling rivalry rarely shouts—it whispers.
It hides in quiet refusals, hurt glances, and unspoken comparisons. And we, the parents, often miss the message in the noise.
Trial, Error… and Chocolate Milk
We made mistakes. A lot of them.
Sometimes we praised one louder, thinking the other would understand.
Sometimes we offered comfort to whoever cried first.
We tried reward charts, equal gifts, and yes—once even split a glass of chocolate milk into two with a syringe just to make it exactly equal.
But equality wasn’t the answer.
What started changing things was this one insight: They don’t need to be treated the same. They need to be seen differently.
When Drawing Replaced Shouting
One evening, after yet another squabble over a toy puzzle, I handed them both some blank paper and crayons.
“Draw how your brother made you feel today.”
Mansoor drew a fire-breathing dragon. “This is Bazaid when he snatched my piece!”
Bazaid drew a teary emoji locked in a cage.
They looked at each other’s drawings, and both laughed.
That moment taught me more than any book.
This was sublimation—a fancy word for something simple: giving feelings a creative outlet.
Art, storytelling, even making silly videos—when kids externalize frustration, it transforms into insight.
Three Things That Helped Us Most
1. Recognize, Don’t Equalize
If one child needs a cuddle and the other needs space, honor that. Don’t divide your love—diversify it.
2. Give Them Their Own Time with You
Even 15 minutes alone with Mama or Baba—without the other around—made Mansoor and Bazaid feel seen. No competition. Just connection.
3. Name It to Tame It
We’d say things like:
“It’s okay to feel jealous. It doesn’t make you bad.”
It created safety around big feelings. No shame. Just understanding.
What I Know Now (That I Didn’t Then)
Sibling rivalry isn’t a parenting failure.
It’s emotional training ground.
It’s how children learn limits, language, and empathy.
Mansoor and Bazaid—now young teens—still challenge each other. But now they also defend each other. They’ve learned that love is not a race, and that being different doesn’t mean being less.
And we, as parents, learned that discipline, love, and conflict resolution are not one-size-fits-all—even with twins.
Love That Makes Room
Let your children be rivals some days—but teach them how to return as allies.
Let them clash—but guide them toward compassion.
Let them compete—but remind them that your heart is not a trophy to be won—it’s a home they both fully belong to.
Because the greatest sibling bond isn’t about matching shirts or equal mango slices…
It’s about feeling safe enough to be different—together.
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